 I
remember we were up in Saratoga (New York) one summer hacking our
way through a local track (golf, not horse). We had purchased some
cigars downtown that day, and I’m not quite sure of their
name, but they tasted like candy (vanilla- tipped, I believe). I
had to toss mine out after only a few minutes…the sugar made
my mouth water so much, it turned the tip into mush. I remember
thinking that if I took a swing with the cigar in my mouth, it would
have probably flown out and branded Stinky Golfer Dog on the forehead.
Nevertheless, I’m seeing more and more cigars on the course
these days. Why is that I wonder? Are cigars and golf really meant
for each other? It often seems the two are inseparable. One time,
Stinky Golfer Chris pulled out a cigar tee…that's right, a
piece of plastic that he stuck in the ground next to his wooden
ball tee. The wooden tee, of course, supported his ball, and this
piece of plastic supported Mr. Cigar. Anyway, as I watched Chris
tee-off that day, I began to realize that cigars are as much a part
of golf as fuzzy-animal clubhead covers.
Let’s face it, you can buy cigars in almost every 19th hole,
and in most upscale clubhouses. Why, even the MOFOBETE (pronounced
“Mo-fo Betty” for MObile FOod & BEverage TEchnicion)
has a “We Card” sticker on the side of her snack bin.
Did you know Cigar
Aficionado, the magazine for cigar smokers, co-sponsors
the Montecrisco
Cup…a pro-am golf event held annually in Puerto Rico? On top of that, there's an actual Bogies & Stogies golf tournament located in the Chicago area!
So, it seems golf and cigars tied-the-knot some years ago...but,
how did this marriage of bogies and stogies begin?
I guess I could attempt to find some evidence that points to a reason
for this union, but many facts are obvious. For example, I surmise
it’s partly because cigars project a sophistication of sorts…young
players see older “executive types” cigaring-it-up while
schmoozing with other VP’s on the course. Heck, the game of
golf itself has rather hoity-toity undertones (after all, it's a
gentlemen's game); why not complete the look with a nice Macanudo
hanging from your jaw?
But,
before we go transforming ourselves into big, pompous gentlemen,
there’s also the “mosquito theory.” We’ve
all heard that one: light a cigar on the course to keep the bugs
away. I’d say this is the number one excuse hackers (like
myself) give for lighting up. But, does it really work? Some say
yes, while others claim it's just an excuse they give their significant
other to help explain the ashtray mouth. As for me, the jury’s
still out…although, the last time I lit up on the course,
the bugs disappeared (hear that, Honey?).
Other examples include those that say cigars help you relax before
a round or a shot. And still others say it gives you something to
enjoy while fishing your ball out of that 10-foot wide creek. Whatever
the reason, a percentage of golfers smoke cigars on the course,
while others think: “Should I light one up too? I know I don’t
smoke cigars anyplace else, but it seems the golf course is the
place to do it.”
And, that’s the funny thing; many people are cigar smokers
only while golfing! It’s like those people who smoke cigarettes
only while drinking. To me, this solidifies the notion that cigar
smoking is somehow part of the game…Rule 26-1: If a ball is
in or is lost in a water hazard, promptly light up a stogie as near
as possible to the original position of the ball. I had to check
my rulebook to make sure the previous statement was NOT in there!
 The
way I look at it, I guess smoking a cigar while on the course is
to toast the game of golf. For example, fathers pass out cigars
for the birth of their baby; or you may light one as the clock strikes
midnight on New Year’s Eve…in either case, you’re
celebrating. With golf, people celebrate their one with nature,
their time with friends, the birdie on 6 or the quadruple on 12.
Bottom line: Golf’s just one of those games that makes you
want to celebrate…the optional cancer stick is up to you.
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